Thursday, August 27, 2015

The Light at the End of the Tunnel

I've got time for a quick update, details coming soon!

The German invasion of The Cubicle Asylum was successful. There was one German, the CEO of the new company. A tall, somewhat attractive older man, with a kind smile who likes his coffee strong and his people to work hard and be happy.

The new crew also brought Gorilla Head in sales. He was here for two days and will return on Monday. During his brief visit, he hacked phlegm, churned snot and gagged all over my office. The saving grace of disinfectant spray delivered me from getting the full fledged crud.

The GM's office is now occupied by a little gnome of a feller, a pudgy, happy little man who is, bless his heart, doing his best to figure out how in the hell we did business for so long with so little to work with.

They have all made lots of promises. Time will tell if they follow through.

No more does Twatwaffle screech down the hall, constantly clicking her pen in frustration or breathe down my neck. She was not part of the deal. She was offered a position with the new company, but opted to stay with the tyrannical bastids that ruled over us for the past 20 years.

Our 401K accounts were frozen as of August 16th, so the current stock market craziness hasn't effected our stash and... I'm cashing in. It looks like by this time next week, my house will be paid off, the back taxes will be taken care of and.. maybe.. I'll have enough left to get a riding lawn mower.

This means, I'll be able to afford heating oil for the winter and I'll be able to like.. actually pay my bills. I'll be able to live on what I make. By "live," I mean, buying groceries and not constantly worrying about the electricity or the water being cut off.

I feel like there is hope and at the same time, I'm afraid to be happy.

I'll work on that.

I PROMISE there will be more details soon. I have to tell you about TW's latest family drama, stuff I heard from Gorilla Head's former assistant and back at the trailer, new critters!

We'll talk soon ya'll.

Later Taters!

Wednesday, August 19, 2015

Gorilla Head

At 3pm Monday, it became official. The Germans now own The Asylum. Yesterday they announced the hire of the new sales manager, Gorilla Head. Ya'll remember Gorilla Head, the former sales rep who worked here for a whole 24 hours before getting axed for trying to work here while staying on the payroll at his rep firm, then called our corporate office and basically said I was an idiot and useless.

Today is his first day. I am so medicated, I've got chubby winged cherubs riding rainbows out my ass.

When I first found out, I was all to pieces. But now, I'm channeling my inner badass.

I got this new tv thing at home where I can watch basic cable over the internet for $20 a month. I watched reruns of Intervention all day Sunday and noticed that most of the people on there had turned to self destruction after being abused, sexual and otherwise, in their childhoods. It got me to thinking, I've been through some chit ya'll and yet.. I keep going

I'm a strong woman.

I ain't afraid of no Gorilla Head.

Stay tuned!

Later Taters

Sunday, July 26, 2015

The Latest and Greatest from Frog Pond Holler

Hey ya'll. There's so much crap going on, I don't know where to start, so let's just jump right in, shall we?

The Cubicle Asylum:
It's official. The Germans are definitely coming. August 3rd is our final inventory. The Big Headed German and his crew over at the other plant will continue to do our bean counting until the end of the year, but reporting to The Germans instead of the craptastic, soul sucking company we currently work for. From what I've been able to gather and piece together from assorted conversations, nothing much should change before the end of the year.

Don't get me wrong, I fully realize that The Germans could well be just as soul sucking, if not more, but at least it's a change.

Twatwaffle has been in a constant state of pre-nervous breakdown for weeks, breaking out in hives and flitting around like a hummingbird with a Starbucks habit. I'm sure she fears losing her job and for good reason, but we'll see.

There is speculation that they may bring back Ol' Gorilla Head, the sales manager that lasted a whole 24 hours, getting fired when it was discovered that he was still employed by the rep firm he came from. If that happens, this old girl will be going to the house. I can't stand his hateful ass while working with him as a sales rep, I damned sure ain't working for him. He's a lying snake, sucking up to your face and talking shit behind your back. Gorilla Head sealed his fate with me when he called the corporate office and complained about me, after his 24 hours were up.


Shady Pines:
Ma left the nervous hospital after a two week stay and went back to the home. I've only gotten to talk to her once since then, every time I call she's making her rounds, playing the social butterfly, and they can't find her to put her on the phone. The one time we did chat, she seemed much happier and content. The nurses say she's a different person. While the staff at the home seems to think she's cured and this is how she'll be, I know from experience that it's only temporary and she'll tire of putting on the happy act. Eventually she'll end up back at the nervous hospital, months or a year from now, but that's the ebb and flow of life with Ma at this point.

All the Kinfolk:
I'm pretty much done with all of them, including Aunt Moses. Their racist mouths and confederate flag waving attitudes make me ill. I tried to overlook things, citing closed minded ignorance and the possibility that they'd all been bounced on the noggin a few times, hoping they'd step up and take some of the responsibility for Ma. Their sister raised and took care of all of them at different stages in their lives. All I asked was that they call her once in a while, maybe stop by when they were out that way, but no. They don't even ask.

To hell with them.

So Done.

Around the Holler:
There's a sign up at the store saying the town garbage truck is in the shop so trash day has been moved from Monday to Thursday. Hopefully I can cajole The Amazon to haul my load to the dump tomorrow.

Since the whole confederate flag brouhaha, there are giant ones flying from the front porches of double wides all over the holler. Aunt Moses is even sporting a shiny new confederate front plate on her little Ranger. These people have never even known a black person and none of them are as lily white as they think they are, which gives me quiet satisfaction.

There was a letter to the editor in the local paper last week, from a Florida tourist who over heard the town cop making anti-gay and racist comments down at the Grab n' Go (and go and go.) He says she's mistaken, but I know him and I'm pretty sure he probably said it.

This from the man who looks so non-white that he was racially profiled while trying to enter the Big City Civic Center right after 9/11.

I don't get people.

Meanwhile, Back at the Trailer:
The grass is butthole high to a Sasquatch. The little old guy that was cutting it for me stopped as suddenly as he began. It's been around 90ish the past few weeks and I'm sorry but, my fat old ass just can't shelp around the half acre pushing the mower through it all after 8-9 hours at The Asylum.

I don't even care.

I've been out of FMF meds for two weeks now. So far I've been pretty lucky with my joints, but I have had periods of horrible muscle pain, so much so that I had to leave work for a couple of hours last week. I ordered a refill from India and it's been sitting in customs for five days now. The DEA will probably be here in a day or two to pick me up.


I won't be making my September doctor's appointment. The Big City practice has "dismissed" me due to an unpaid bill. My last visit came to a whopping $200, after insurance, and I don't have the money, so I guess I'll be going back to the HeeHaw clinic. I'll be cancelling my insurance at the end of the year, one way or another. If the new company doesn't have something better to offer, I'll be going to BCBS of NC. $35 a month vs. $160 and it actually covers stuff. It says something about the company I work for, the insurance industry and the state of our society when I can't afford the employer supplied insurance, but qualify for a low income discount for private coverage.

Chew on that for a second.

I'm all for the $15 minimum wage. I'll get a $3 raise.


Currently there are no less than 5 bags of trash tied up in the kitchen. I've been on a cleaning spree. I spend every Saturday and Sunday morning running the dishwasher and cleaning out cabinets, hurrying to get as much done as I can before it gets too hot. The only cool rooms are the bedrooms, so we spend most of our time holed up in there. I have a big a.c. on the porch to put in the kitchen window, but I can't lift it and it needs to be braced up, so it doesn't like.. yank the window out.

The kitchen is looking less and less condemable, so there's that.

We've lost three chickens this summer, two to the heat and Queen Latifa, who apparently stuck her head under the gate and got hung. All that's left are Shanaynay and Cordelia.

Maybe I'll get more next spring.

So this weekend it's been more of the same. Working on laundry pile number 2, washing lots of dishes, bagging up shit we've not touched in 10 years and trying to figure out how to juggle the light bill, the house payment and the cut off notice for the water bill that came in the mail yesterday.

Such is life.

Currently jamming to this, singing at the top of my lungs to Ayla, who's curled up beside my chair.

She keeps opening her eyes and looking at me like, "Do you mind?"

Everyone's a critic.

Ya'll have an awesome weekend... and week. We'll talk again soon.

Later Taters!